Time For Both -

Toutes les passions ne sout autre chose que les divers degres de la chaleur et de la froideur du sang.

Hi. I really don't know what to say right now, at this place. My life has been upended, torn asunder and I've died inside my heart. Not to be overly dramatic or anything.

If you follow Master's blog, you know a little of what's gone on. I can't address what he said in his last post. I'm simply not able. I doubt I ever will. Some of what he writes I agree with totally. Some of it, I think he is sadly mistaken and I feel very badly that he thinks that.

I won't rebut each point. I don't have it in me and I don't feel like I should have to defend myself. I've made mistakes, done the wrong things. So has he. I'm very weary of pointing fingers and trying to assign blame. I'll accept my share of it, but not all of it, and move past it. I don't know if it can be healed, but we are working on it and I can try to forget what's past.

And no, I'm not feeling sorry for myself. I've managed to go nearly a week without breaking into helpless, soul draining tears at little or no provocation. And I'd like to make it one more day for my week. I have cried a little, but it was well prompted. Friday night after being caned. A little last night after having my nipples pulled and pinched until they burned. But no tears from being overwhelmed by emotions.

Things are very different with us now. Today is the first time I have felt like writing anything in weeks. My vanilla blog has gone untouched for longer than it has since I started it. My private writing, that I don't share with anybody, has been neglected. I have sat down more than once and tried to write. But would either start crying or simply could not find the words.

I'm not going into a lot of details right now. As I've indicated, I just can't and maintain my peace. Most of it will probably never get put down on "paper". It's too personal. Too painful. I am struggling to find it in me to write again because it has become a very necessary thing to me in the past year. Being able to express myself this way is so important to me now, I don't know why it took me so long to figure it out.

I am thinking that I may find a different place to write. My 2 Doms doesn't really fit anymore. Erik is still an important part of my life, but he has moved into more of a mentor role to me. He has always been that to me, but our relationship has changed and he tends to be more mentor than Dom to me lately. I'm not actively in an ongoing submissive role to him so I don't truly have 2 Doms anymore. And this blog feels like it's part of my previous life. I have written a little today about Friday and when I have it finished I may link it.

Master has spoken and probably written about how he has died before. Died and been remade as a different person. He has gone through this more than once.

This is my first time. It hurts like hell and I really didn't know for a time if I would ever get back up. Slowly, painfully, I am putting my pieces back together. But I am going to be a very different person. The Anna who rises from this devastation will be stronger but at the same time more fragile. Braver and more emotionally open but with a heart made more of stone than anything else. She will be quieter and more expressive than ever in her life. And not the same naive little sub wannabe who started this blog.

So I think a new blog is in order. Master has his blogs, the one I linked. One he writes on with his Domme. Another, more private one too. It's been even longer since he wrote here than it has for me. And Erik. Well, I couldn't tell you the last time Erik posted here. So it seems like we have all moved on for our own reasons. I plan to leave it up though. If nothing else there is something to be learned from what we wrote. And some of the things my Doms wrote about me were too beautiful and moving for me to lose. I need that affirmation, their love. Way too much, but that's another topic for another blog.

I'm not saying I won't write here again. I might. I tend to gravitate to what's familiar and this new blog may not "feel" right. So I might return here, to this address, give it a new name and go forward. I thought about that. But like I said, right now this feels like it belongs to someone else. The Anna who died.
Thanks to all who have read, even if it was for the titillation factor. I know there were many more who genuinely cared about us and were interested in our journey. To those people, you have my love.

And to those who have only read the last few entries and are thinking, "You keep saying you are leaving but you won't go away." To you I say, :-P

Guess Who?

All right, I think that as soon as I have something to write about, I will. Reality be damned.

I've been super super busy with work and very stressed out and tired so I haven't felt much like writing. Even my vanilla blog has suffered. Writer's block, maybe? Not that much has been going on in my submission lately. The above mentioned issues have made it hard to find time to play and Erik has been very busy in his real life as well.

Master and I are talking about doing a short contract. Two and a half days of total submission. I wrote it up yesterday morning after an early spanking left me aroused and unable to sleep. It's part fantasy, part desire. I got totally aroused writing it up and thought I wanted to do it. I still think I want to, but I'm having second thoughts. Nerves. Fear. Anticipation. So we will probably do something next week. At the very least a couple of scenes.

I'll post about it, whatever it turns out to be.

There are other things going on in my life that I won't be writing about here. Things that are distantly related to what I write about here, but that I don't want to talk about because of the reason I almost quit writing. You probably won't notice any glaring omissions though because I don't talk about my job much or the rest of my life here. But it might keep me from posting as much as I should. I know I wasn't a daily poster anyway though so probably it will be like it was before. Hell, I shouldn't have even brought it up. Except I love to tease and now I know at least a few people will be wondering what the hell I'm up to. If you really want to know, email me.

Game Not Over?

If your wondering where I have been, I'm on day 17 of a work streak. 9-10 hour days in a gruelling physical job, caring for Anna, and being cared for by my domme has left little time for blogging.

I'm of two minds about shutting down this blog. I wish Anna had consulted me before saying we were closing it down completely (stern look).

She may not want to post here anymore and that is fine, but I might.

I'm not a slink away into the night kind of guy. Like I've said before, I like to fight.

So I'm thinking about pushing on, right here, with my thoughts, and feelings and events. I amin the process of weighing out all the factors.

Sun Tzu teaches, "In respect of military method, we have, firstly, Measurement; secondly, Estimation of quantity; thirdly, Calculation; fourthly, Balancing of chances; fifthly, Possibility of Victory. "

I don't think the people that know about this blog mean us harm. They do not apporove of what is going on here, and I respect that very much. I also respect the fact that they would come out and tell me so to my face. I calcualted the risk of discovery when this blog was created. I took the matter into full account seeing how it was the discovery of Anna's "secret" blog that got me involved in all this to begin with.

I knew the risks, I thought Anna understood the risks. I took the risk, I am not willing to just skulk away and still carry on with what I'm doing in total secret just because soemone has found out. It seems a bit too out of my character.

I will not stop posting on my personal blog for sure. I may change the tone a bit to make it more pallateable for those I know are reading it now, but I see little sense in hiding in the shadow completely unwilling to stand up and explain (not justify) my actions. I will talk to Anna about this one before I decide if I will post here again or not.

bad news

Unfortunately I suspect this blog is going to have to go away. For several reasons, not the least of which it has been discovered by someone I know in real life. I'm extremely uncomfortable with that. So much so that I really can't see continuing here. I may change my mind after a bit, but I'm thinking probably not. I don't know if I'll start another blog elsewhere or not. I haven't had time to think about this and decide anything definite. If you are interested in keeping up with us, drop me a line. I have an email address in my profile listing. I don't promise much, but I will try to send updates from time to time if you want them. Or let you know if I start another blog.

I appreciate everyone's comments and links back to us. Thanks for taking the time to read our stories.

wake up call

This morning's routine was very different from the usual. Everybody that knows me, even a little bit, knows I'm not a morning person. But this morning I woke around 3:30. An hour before Dom would be getting up for work. I don't know if I woke him up or if he woke me. But somehow I ended up in his space and he told me to turn over and he would curl up behind me and hold me...one of my favorite things, especially when he holds my wrists.

I was a bundle of need, wiggling and whimpering in his arms. Rubbing against him like a cat seeking affection. He finally asked me what I needed and I told him I wasn't sure, I wanted to feel like his though. When pressed I admitted I couldn't decide between a little spanking or some teasing.

For some reason having his fingers in my ass first thing in the morning can make me feel very possessed and I wanted that. I also wanted the pleasure balls again but didn't make it around to asking for them. After Sunday I had suggested that on the mornings I woke up when he did that he could put them in me to stay until I had to leave for work. He didn't say no, so I have hope I might get that one early morn.

I also really needed a bit of spanking. So that's what I got. My ass opened and teased and spanked. I admit I was a slut for it this morning. I wiggled. I moaned. I raised my bottom in the air for more attention. I was in a haze of desire and of feeling loved and taken.

I was so open to his every word and every movement. Not just physically but mentally. He didn't say much but there wasn't a need for him to. He directed me where and how he wanted me with touch as much as words. I just felt so much like I belonged to him. In a way that seems to be a rare thing for me.

He spanked me with a leather slapper that has the word slut cut out of it. Very few warm up slaps before. It stings, especially right where my bottom becomes my thigh. It wasn't nearly as intense or long as Thursday's spanking. But very effective. Very centering. He put in a small butt plug before he started and would stop and push the plug into me from time to time. Pulling it out slightly and pushing it back in hard.

He used my ass, filling and stretching it. With his fingers. With a dildo. With his cock. Gentle at times and hard others. I didn't know which toys he used until afterwards when I picked everything up. I know at the end he didn't use a toy, he used himself.

That first moment of possession is so sweet. Doesn't matter how many times, what the position is, or even which hole he fills up. It's the taking, the opening of my body and making myself vulnerable that is entrancing. Sometimes it's almost better than an orgasm.

I was already aroused before he started his displays of ownership this morning. By the time he gave me his cock I was sobbing. Not crying. Just sobbing. Saying please. "Please what?" he asked. I didn't know. And told him that. I wanted him to stop because it hurt. But I didn't want him to stop because I felt so loved, so controlled. Helpless to do anything but be his. Give in to him. Submit my will along with my body.

It was glorious. As he said, it hurt so good. I've had much harder spankings. Much rougher sex. But it was the delicious pain of accepting his desire however he wanted to express it. Making the conscious effort to relax my body so he could use it. Because he wanted it that way.

Even though he didn't seek his own release he offered it to me. Or I could wait. Be aroused and frustrated all day. I knew what it would be like, I was already aching. I knew the day would be long enough with my bottom as sore as it promised to be. Going to work in this state would guarantee that I thought about nothing but him and how he owned me this morning.

That's what I chose. I wanted to suffer for him. I wanted to ache. I wanted to stay wet and distracted. I wanted to be reminded of how I was his to satisfy or tease. I wanted to look forward to the next time I was with him, eagerly hoping for a touch. Or approving word. Maybe the buildup of more tension. Anticipation can be as delightful as satisfaction, in it's own way.

He was so proud of me. He told me what a good girl I was, how much he loved me. I truly had the freedom to choose. But I knew this was what he wanted for me. That was as much a part of why I chose the way I did as my own reasons were.

He pulled away from me and almost immediately I started crying. I was so overwhelmed. I was so deep that I couldn't move for almost a minute, even when he spoke to me. I just knelt on the bed, feeling the tide of emotion sweeping in. He pulled me into his arms and held me secure against the crashing waves. Letting my tears soak his pillow as he petted me and loved me.

By now his alarm had gone off and he had to hurry and get ready for work. I came out of the bedroom with him to try and help him. I knelt at his feet while he put on his shoes and chatted with his Domme briefly. It felt like home.

He had to leave shortly after and as I expected, I spent the day in a daze. I could forget for a few minutes but then I would shift in my seat and my bottom would protest. A couple of times I just stopped and got lost in my thoughts, only coming back when interupted by the phone or when the aching emptiness would get to be too much.

I sit waiting Master's return but I suspect I won't be able to stay awake until he gets home. It's been a long day and the caffiene I've been propping up with is starting to wear off.

Maybe I'll wake up early again tomorrow...

pleasure balls are fun

I've been busy with stuff...boring, vanilla, necessary stuff. But I wanted to post real quick about something before I forgot the details, the feelings. Sunday afternoon I was supposed to help decorate the boss's office for her upcoming birthday. A surprise for her, obviously.

I was in a teasing, slightly horny mood so I asked Dom if he would let me wear my pleasure balls while I was gone. I knew it would only be a couple of hours and it would help keep me, entertained. Instead of the pair of chiming metal ones I expected, he picked up the string of three. Three soft vinyl balls connected together with a vinyl string. Bigger than the metal ones. He only needed a drop of lube on each one to slide them into my pussy. I immediately felt full and couldn't think of anything else.

I had a hard time concentrating on blowing up balloons when every shift of my body let me feel the fullness, the ache they were causing. When I got home he didn't offer to take them out and frankly I was glad. I didn't want him to. I enjoyed them while we watched a movie together. I enjoyed the building tension and arrousal they created. And yes, even the frustration.

Later, he slowly popped them out, one at a time. Leaving me empty and wanting. He was very generous and gave me an orgasm with some of my toys. But it didn't really fill up the emptiness I felt. The need to be filled by him. The need to give him pleasure even as he gave it to me.

I didn't ask for more than he offered though. He was waiting for something. Holding back to honor a promise he had made to his lady Domme. And I wouldn't dream of asking a fellow sub to break that kind of a promise. Even though this one happens to also be my Dom and my lover. I want him to have that experience, make that submissive gesture. I want him to feel what I feel when he teases me and leaves me waiting for release. I want him to fly in subspace when he isn't sending me there. I want to submit to him in this way, too.

couple quick things

Someone asked about my Birmingham trip. I guess I assumed everyone would know that it fell through when I didn't write about it. But it didn't happen. The man I was supposed to be meeting got done a day early and asked me to come down on Wednesday instead of Thursday. But we had major vehicle troubles (In the end we had to have one car towed and the other one still isn't running) plus I didn't get his message until after 6:30. I just couldn't get there and I haven't been so disappointed in a really long time. I'm hopeful that I'll get another chance to meet him. If he isn't too put out with me that is :)

Another thing I wanted to mention was linkage. I've added a few links. I know there are others I've missed, people who have links to us. It's late and I'm a bit scattered though so if you have a link to us and want a link back, drop me a line. Or if you don't have a link to us but would like a link back anyway, drop me a line. I am of the opinion that one good link deserves another but I also link to sites/blogs that I enjoy. If I've linked to you and you don't want me to, just say the word and it will be gone immediately. I don't want to offend anyone.

And by the way, 'Mystic ShadOw' is the blog of my Dom's Domme. Just to keep things good and confusing. And I'm sure I've mentioned it, but to keep things fair, 'Yielding to Temptation' is Erik's blog

spending the day with Erik

Saturday is one of the days Dom has started spending with his Domme and so I had the whole day in front of me. I knew I was going to spend a little time with Erik but wasn't sure exactly when until I got up and got his message. He wanted to get together first thing his time, which was about 10 or 10:30 my time. For me on the weekend, that's first thing too.

I woke up only long enough to say bye to Dom as he was getting ready to leave around 7:30 and promptly fell back to sleep. I guess I was dreaming or all the teasing I'd been doing to myself since Wednesday night had caught up with me. Because when I woke up I had this image in my mind. Just a piece of an image, but it was very strong and extremely arousing. So much so that I had to go try it out. I had this picture of myself bent over some surface, table or countertop, stretched out and tied down and having wicked things done to me. I got up and stretched across the massage table in the gym, just to see if it felt as good as I imagined it might. It did. Kind of made me lament being alone in the house, especially when I reached down and found how wet just that simple action had made me. Later in the afternoon I fleshed the image out into a full blown fantasy and emailed it to Dom. His comment was that it seemed like something we should pursue in the near future.

It was in this frame of mind I sat down at the computer to talk to Erik. Already aroused and having submissive fantasies. Needless to say it didn't take long for me to be floating along. Erik was a little different this morning, but it was really nice, just what I needed. In answer to his questioning I told him that I was still sore, sitting was a challenge still. It was better, but I was nowhere near forgetting the events of Thursday night. So he petted me. Asked me about my week otherwise. We talked about, just, stuff. This gentle side is one I don't get to see often so I basked in it.

I had no trouble getting into our play and in fact was eager for it before he ever got serious. He had me wanting to come in no time it seemed. But he was in a teasing mood too so he slowed things down and decided to call me and really tease me. So when I answer the phone and hear that wonderful voice I quickly move into the bedroom so I can stretch out and feel his voice as well as hear it.

Like I said, I'd been on extra teasings since Wednesday night's misadventure and the soft attentions of the morning had me very needy. Erik built the tension in me back up to the boiling point quickly. With his voice in my ear and my trusty toys in my hand I had a powerful orgasm at his command. Two in fact, as soon as I had rested a moment he started teasing my ass. Pulling out the plug I had put in earlier and replacing it with his cock by proxy he led me to another orgasm.

He said he could hear me drifting away, my voice demonstrating my state of mind. I wrapped myself up in the comforter, imagining his arms around me and dozed as soon as we hung up. Thunder and the need for the bathroom woke me up after a bit and I got up to take care of business. I caught a chill so I put on socks and wrapped up in a throw to sit at my computer and enjoy the feelings.

Erik had household errands to attend to and said he would try to catch me later in the afternoon but if I didn't hear from him by 4 I was supposed to tease myself as if putting on a show for him. I waited as long as possible, hoping to hear from him again. I was rewarded when the phone rang a little after 3:30-it was Erik.

This time he painted a new scenario for me, one that sounded like a wonderful way to spend a rainy afternoon. Me, chained to the bed, naked and available for his pleasure whenever he had a few minutes between fixing the sink and other mundane chores. He says it would be for his own protection, if he didn't chain me up out of his way he wouldn't get anything done. He might be right, I was in fine form on Saturday, aroused all over again when he called back.

I chained myself to the bed as best I could and listened to him create magic with his words. This time it was a bit more intense. Imagining being available for him to take his pleasure at a whim. Along with Dom. Just being a plaything for them and amusing myself with a romance novel between fucks. And imagining both of them using me at the same time. Logistically, I've heard this is very difficult. In fantasy, it's divine. In spite of the stimulating images and the extra toys I had a hard time orgasming this time. It happens to me a lot. I guess I get overstimulated, but it seems that after a really hard or multiple orgasms it takes me a couple of days to recover and reach those heights again.

He guided me to one orgasm though. Not as powerful as the earlier ones, but very nice nonetheless. And then chided me about needing to go clean up and change pants. I teasingly said I wished I could say I was sorry but I wasn't and he laughed at me.

I wore the chain and collar until I got ready to go out and get something to eat. To remind me of Erik's wish for me to be chained to the bed for him and to help me remember that today I was his pet. Not that I needed reminding of that.

The Bloody Hairbrush

Anna had been aching for a spanking for a while. It's a bad reflection on me how long she had been waiting. But I had been wanting the opportune moment to deal with her little bottom at a time we would both be able to savor it. I had notice she had packed it for out recent little hotel visit, but after following my instincts and fisting her for the first time, the opportunity to spank her proper did not really arise.

Anna has been an exceptionally good submissive the last fortnight. We have only endured a couple of bumpy spats that, in the end, had no real substance to them once we got to the root of the issue. Problems easily fixed and we moved on. I have found that to be nothing short of marvelous. While Anna has had several withdrawn moments, over problems that I am mostly aware of, and issues of adjusting to quite an interesting changeup in our lifestyle thanks to me having a domme, she has not let those moments interfere with her role as a submissive. She has been more thoughtful, considerate, more obedient, more helpful, and frankly, more arousing than she ever has been in a month's time. I can't tell you how good it feels for her to come in, touch up that make up, put on that enthralling perfume, strip down and kneel, or put that beautiful bottom in my lap. All just for me. In addition she is doing all sorts of helpful and just plain kind things in the name of submission for me. Not just house chores but small, very touching things like she's pulled my boots off for me at every opportunity. She has served me dinner more evenings than not, she just "appears" sometimes and asks me what she can do, or if I want anything and she does whatever I mention in a snap without a word or a huff. I mentioned to her one evening how I would like to have my tactical combat boots shined and the scars the cat has put on them buffed out a bit. That very night she stayed up late and did an excellent job on them doing just that. Ever since I cannot put those boots on without feeling very loved and cared for by Anna.
Even more so she has given me flowers, hand written notes of adoration, and a home made card that I simply MUST frame and hang up.
I have invested a lot into Anna. A lot. But I must admit the returns coming in are now exquisite. She is a wonderful submissive when she is like this. I can't praise her or dode on her enough to express how great she makes me feel. Or how proud I am of her.

The opportune moment finally came out of one of those greetings. She asked. If you have seen her post on the hairbrushing, you know how it all got started. If you haven't, scroll down and read a well written and arousing post and quit wasting time on this one.

It was probably the combination of the arousal of servicing me, and the boost to her esteem she gets from showing off those very impressive skills of hers, and the fact that this spanking was long overdue. But even as I began to warm her up, I could tell this one was going to be a good one. The sighs and moans she let out showed no sign of struggle with "pain" (you know what I mean here) and she very quickly ramped up to taking the best hand blows I could deliver from the leverage I had. When I began to use the brush on her, arousal amplified and she gave the occasional struggle, but they weren't honest. Ive learned that there is a difference between her tensing up her buttocks because the moment is intense and her whole body going rigid because the intensity is dropping her from space. Still for a bit I pause at the first indication I want to do this as much as she wants it and I want it to last. This is one of my favorite things to do to her and I want to relish it.
I give her a 2 minute pause at last. I know from personal experience you can give a break long enough for the body to catch up on getting the effects of endorphines, but not so long you begin to cool off, and when the stimulation returns, it is absolutely wonderful. This time, unlike most, I time it just right with Anna. When I return the brush to her bottom in earnest after a rest and some stimulation her moans are gasps of hunger for what she is getting. Her expressions have a swoop up at the end, almost sounding like a question. This is the green light that she is in space and is wanting MORE! I lay into her with the full of my arm, limited as my leverage is, it is more than she has ever taken by hairbrush before. I am well pleased and set the pace. I do not relent when she tenses and struggles now. The sounds coming from her now reflect a little pain but still have the upswoop that says "don't stop" and I don't. Not until I see the color of her bottom splotch from pure angry red to patches of white in the red. This is the point I usually stop if she hasn't already said her safeword. 100% of the time even if she hasn't said it by now she is ready to quit.
But tonight is different. As I pause, she wiggles and moans in my lap. She wants to go on. She doesn't realize the next few blows will mean her skin will not only bruise, but break. I open my mouth to tell her, warn her. But I know exactly what will happen if I do. Fear will take over, and her incredible high in the depths of subspace will be lost. I try to coax her to cry to go ahead and let it all out. I've done this before. When she does let it all go she feels the relief and never wants the spanking to continue. She cries some, but she still holds on. I worry. If I continue beyond this and I break her skin, I risk her getting upset and messing up all that we have going for us right now. I fear she will withdraw from her service and her submissiveness. It's a tough choice. But she is lying in my lap in obvious need. She needs this spanking. She wants it and she wants the full release it has on her body and her soul. She has had a hellish week in the trenches and topspace has allowed her little succor all week. Now she wants to purge and be free.

Knowing the answer before I ask, I question her at last "Do you need more?" There was little hesitation before the nod of her head.

My heart fills with a mix of love and envy for her. I know what she is about to get and I know how beautiful a thing it is.

Taking up the brush I begin to lovingly beat her bottom bloody. I don't stop until I hear those choking cries of a repressed should giving itself up and letting go. I wait for the full tide of crying to come in. Only then do I stop and praise her, pet her, let her do the one thing she wants to do most in this world.

I let her feel. A reward well earned.

I sucked him off so he spanked me

Our evening together started with me running in, giving Dom a quick kiss and escaping to the bathroom. I usually try to go last thing before I leave work but I got caught by a chatty coworker and didn't want to take the time. So I do my thing and touch up my makeup a bit, adding eyeliner, brighter eyeshadow, blush and re-doing my lipstick. Off with my clothes and I'm ready to make my greeting. Still in my underwear, but definitely not looking work-ish.

As I walk over to Dom he suggests we go lie down and cuddle a bit so we detour to the bedroom. We talk a bit, catching up on the last couple of days. Yesterday he went to see his Domme straight from work so I didn't see him until bedtime. I had a really bad day yesterday. Work left me angry and frustrated so I went out, just walking around the mall. It didn't help a whole lot; I didn't feel like screaming anymore, but I was still pretty tense. I had a date with Erik but I couldn't get into it. I thought it might help me relax but I just couldn't. I know I disappointed Erik but I asked to go rather early and after a quick errand I was ready for bed early.

I guess I mostly needed sleep because I felt better this morning and by the end of the day I was feeling more like myself. An excess of caffiene and a mid-morning excursion to plan a party will do that for you I guess.

Anyway, Dom guides my hand to his cock while we talk. That's his favorite resting place for it when we are in bed and not asleep :) He expresses some frustration and suggests I take care of it for him so I perform my (and I think his) favorite stress reliever. A nice sloppy blow job. I have to move the cat to get in between his legs and then I set to it. He told me I was really good at it and I admitted I was good because I enjoy it. And I do, I really love sucking his cock. Afterwards I said wouldn't it be a shame not to share that talent with the world? He doesn't think I need to share with the whole world. *pout* I don't really want to share it with the whole world, just a few lucky inhabitants.

By this time I'm more than a bit aroused and just want his hands on me so I ask him to rub some lotion on my bottom. That's usually a good way to get my whole backside rubbed. After a bit I break down and ask if he would give me a quick spanking. He said sure, quick or not so quick. He scoots up to the head of the bed so he can lean against the wall and I stretch across his lap.

He warns me it might be more sting-y than usual since he had just put lotion on me but it didn't seem to be, I think the lotion had soaked in pretty well. He warms me up with his hand and sends me to fetch the hairbrush. When we played before and I was the one weilding the brush I thought it was a terrible instrument. It made quick work of him more often than not; I could usually mark him with this one and drew blood at least once. It's a heavy wooden handled one and the back has these little grooves in it. Now I love it. It's my second favorite spanking tool, his hand being my most favorite.

So I hand it to him and lie back down in his lap. He builds up slowly, starting with little taps. I'm grateful, it's been a while since he really spanked me and I am able to get into it pretty quickly this way. I have to confess to being shameless, when he checks I'm very wet and he teases me by fucking me with the handle for a couple of minutes. Not nearly long enough. Like I said, I love my hairbrush.

When he goes back to spanking me he really lays into me. I soak it up, going from arousal to something close to satisfaction. And then tears. I cry a bit but apparently not enough to suit him because he asks if I need more. Damn his perceptions. I admit that I do and he goes back to it...this time I'm crying hard after only a few smacks but he goes on for a couple of minutes. He stopped before I used my safeword this time. I tried to say it once but couldn't get it out, I guess I didn't really want to.

He held me till I could breathe normally again and I asked him to come watch t.v. with me. He said he would but wanted some pics first. I thought that was a bit odd but just figured he'd bruised me a bit. He doesn't want pics unless he's marked me in some way. After a few pics I turn over and he puts the camera back up so I'm expecting him to take a picture of my face. Instead he points it at the bed and when I look I can just make out the hairbrush. (I'm nearly blind without my glasses)

I naively ask why he's taking pictures of the hairbrush. He shows me why. And I nearly swallow my tongue. I knew he was spanking me pretty hard, but I had no idea it was that hard. Wanna know how hard? Check this out. *warning, big butt alert*

I was stunned past words for several minutes. I wandered in to watch t.v. and asked him to feed me. The hunger hit me hard before I was completely finished crying. That happens a lot. I still don't really know what to say about it. I'm still a little shocked.